These are the feelings you're allowed to express.
This is how a woman should act.
This is the body you must strive for.
These are the things that you will believe.
These are the people that you can love.
Those are the people that you should fear.
This is the kind of life that you are supposed to want.
Make yourself fit. You'll be uncomfortable at first, but don't worry. Eventually you'll forget that you're caged. And soon, this will just feel like life.
Those breathtaking words are from the book, “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle.
It helps to explain why we find it so hard to follow our dreams. Why it's easier for us to live down into the expectations of somebody else and not live into higher expectations that we set for ourselves.
When we feel discontent, we tend to negate it. Ignore it. We’ll tell ourselves “we should be grateful” and fall back in to apathy. We numb ourselves with food, alcohol, social media.
All of these things do nothing more than give us this temporary hit of escapism and a temporary feeling of good in this moment.
It’s nothing more than a cheap plaster that provides an ineffective, temporary cover, for something that is so much deeper.
Let me share one final paragraph with you – I’m sure it will take your breath away,
The woman ask,
“Shouldn't my marriage feel more loving than this. Shouldn't my religion be more alive and kindness. Shouldn't my work be more meaningful and my community be more connected. Shouldn't the world I'm leaving to my babies. Be less brutal. Isn't it all supposed to be more beautiful than this? These women are stalking at the periphery of their lives, feeling discontent. And to me, it's exciting. This is exciting because discontent is the nagging of the imagination. This content is evidence that your imagination has not given up on you. It is still pressing and swelling and trying to get your attention by whispering, not this.”
Did That Reach Your Soul?
How do you feel when you hear that? Can you be open to spending the next few minutes with me thinking about what is it trying to tell us? What is our imagination trying to get us to remember? What else is there for us?
As you commit to moving from a caged or comfortable life, in to a charged life, please give yourself permission to start small. And I have these 3 ideas to help you.
I spoke about this is Episode #42 so make sure you take a listen.
Gandy wrote, “I want freedom for the full expression of my purpose”
Where do you need to give yourself more permission to be more true to you? Where do you feel like you hide yourself? Where do you act like a different person around other people because you fear offending, intimidating or feeling rejected or ridiculed. What do you long to be more of?
What Roles Have Robbed You?
This is not meant to be nasty or judgement – so let me get personal with you so I can explain. When I had 2 children within 14 months and before 26, it was a shock (I didn't plan to have children). I suffered with severe PND and I can now admit that a large part of that was the suffocating thought that now, as a mother, I would never be the same again.
I felt I'd lost part of myself rather than gained something new. The guilt and shame associated with that perpetuated the depression and I couldn’t tell anyone because I was so ashamed! So let me ask, are there roles that you have in your life that you feel maybe have diluted some of the truth of who you are?
As a business owner, have you changed, and not always for the better? Yes you may strive to achieve and attain but no matter how “high” you go, it will strangle you if you have sacrificed your truest and most beautiful self.
If you gave yourself permission to start small, what could you give yourself permission to be more of? How could you start being more true to you?
When we honour the discontent, it shows us how to turn the light on inside ourselves again. Where are you “downplaying your discontent” because you think it’s “too trivial”?
Do you dream about more romance, connection, passion and intimacy in your relationship?
Do you crave magical mind blowing conversations?
Do you wonder what it feels like to actually live out a purpose every single day?
Is it possible that the lofty “achievement goals” we set ourselves are nothing more than society’s icons for the FEELINGS we actually want to have. Feelings of connection, enlightenment, purpose?
STOP dishonouring what lights you up. Nobody else needs to understand it or even know about it. Just you and you need to know how to start getting more of it.
Ask yourself this question.
“What would I have to do to create more of this in my life and prioritize it?”
I suspect that the things that light you up are much simpler than you think.
We communicate in pictures. All our beliefs and expectations have pctures in our mind. Right now, you have a picture that illustrates what you expect from your life. Who you’re going to be. What you expect to achieve.
Unless you change The Set, (the pictures in your mind) and The Script (your internal conversation) you will never be anything more than what others programmed you to be.
You must start creating a different picture in your mind. Let me share a question from the aforementioned book to help you do just that.
What is the truest and most beautiful story about your life that you can imagine?
Why is the word “story” so important? It stops you feeling fear right away. Often when we are asked about goals and dreams, we immediately feel anxiety and fear because we “don’t know how” or “don’t think we can”. As story let’s us simply engage and enjoy the process.
What is the truest and most beautiful story about your relationship/ health, business?... write it out. Day dream. Play “dress up”. Let your imagination take you to beautiful places that light the fire inside. It’s POWERFUL!
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