Start Here to Make New Habits StickJan 12, 2021
Start Before the Start, Start Small and Start Believing.
How do we make new habits stick?
In the last blog I explained that a mindset shift is the first part of new habits. And without that, sticking to new habits is like pulling teeth.
How would it feel to make it waaaay easier to make new habits easy to stick to?
Well I think these 3 steps with give you just that!.
Most people don’t start far enough back!
If I asked you how you’re going to get fitter/healthier you’d probably tell me you would eat better and work out.
But what if I asked you an additional question? “How do you make all of those things EASIER to do?”.
And if you’ve tried this before, and failed, you can ask, “What exactly stopped me from succeeding before?”.
Let me give you an example. I had this very conversation with a client yesterday. And I asked her those exact questions. She looked at me blankly to start with, but after some guidance she said,
“I need to speak with my husband. He’s a fussy eater and I need to know if we will be eating different meals”.
“What else?” I asked.
She explained that in the past, she’s rushed in to something and then hit roadblocks. So this time she wanted to read the entire exercise plan she’d bought so she had full understanding.
“Great”, I said, “What else?”.
“I need to know what I’m going to eat every day. So I have to commit to making time to create a meal plan and order a food shop”.
DON’T FOCUS ON THE OUTCOME, FOCUS ON THE SYSTEM
You are only going to reach the outcome, if you have a workable system. If you want to quit failing at new habits, you have to go Before the Start and set up that successful system.
What are the foundational pillars that you could set up now, that will allow you to be more consistent in the action that you are taking?
How might this apply in your business?
“I need to build a bigger community”.. ever said that? What does that look like to you? Do you say, “I just need to be better on social media?”.
What an overwhelming general statement with no direction given to the brain for specific action. That’s called – how to fail in one easy step.
So let’s go Before The Start
- Better planning. Carve out 2/3 days at the start of each month – this IS a step
- Step 2 – in those days you will research, create titles and subtitles and plan them out 2 or 3 months in advance
- These steps will allow you to be specific about HOW you are building your community, WHERE you are directing them and WHAT action you want them to ultimately take.
For every change you are attempting in your life, I can almost guarantee that you can go back before the start and hone your system to set yourself up for more efficiency, success and ease.
Consistency will always trump intensity, particularly at the start. Too many people do the “too much too soon” and when you do that, it activates way too much pain,fear and uncertainty.
In episode 39 of the Your Rich Life Podcast, I talked about how your identity is a powerful pull to keep you “as is”. So when you take steps to change our current identity, you activate a fear response.
You’ve heard the voices…”one glass/cigarette won’t hurt”. “you can’t waste that food – let’s eat it and start Monday”. “I don’t really want to change, I feel I should. Well f*ck that..”. Those voices – they’re not YOU. It’s an old, outdated identity feeling scared that you will leave it behind.
Make it Unquittable
If you're the person who always quits, you've got to make it small enough to make it unquittable.
Let's go back to the client I was talking about before. I know already has she's very time compressed so to put it more onto her plate is immediately going to activate fear. So how did we get her feeling confident that she could stick to something?
She knows that food is the biggest problem and as a (ex) fitness professional, I know the best results come from the kitchen. So she gave herself permission to start with food and instead of working out 5x week as per her program, she’s doing to walk 2x week.
Starting small, promotes consistency and anything done consistently will create a result. Period.
It doesn't matter how small you start. Just start.
This is hard because we are bombarded with “get this in 7 days” or “lose this in 14 days”..and we would all like massive results in minimum time.
But let me ask you this..
The journey that you're on right now, where you consistently stop and start over, how has that journey worked out for you? How much progress have you made in the last six months, 12 months, 18 months, two years?
We all tell ourselves that taking smaller steps takes way longer but sadly, the “big action, tiny time” actually means most people don’t achieve their desired results, eve. And if that sounds like you, starting small may actually be the magic you’ve been looking for.
Let me share a conversation I had with a dear friend colleague just yesterday.
It started with this WhatsApp message. She says,
“I've started listening to Joe Dispenza's book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. Oh my God, it's literally mind blowing. It's also scary to think that our thoughts and feelings manifest our reality. I mean, I knew this was true, but understanding it at a deeper level and then applying it to our lives is a whole different ball game. I'm disturbed.”
“How so?” I asked
“It's just a shock to realize that I am 100% responsible with my current situation and that I must change my mind If I want to change my life. I naturally wants to jump into the how. I just don't think this is something we can understand at an intellectual level. And it comes back to the point of faith like you said, Louise.”
And here is perhaps the most important part.
When you start believing, it means you have to be aware of and pivot away from resistance.
We have to believe in our ability to be someone different. We have to believe now our ability to create success, to create something different. We have to believe in our ability to cope with pain and discomfort. And I think more than all of that, we have to be willing and able to believe in our ability to let go of who we think we are and create something brand new.
When you start this journey of personal growth you must know that,
Resistance will be your enemy if you let it or your guide if you invite it
What is resistance?
In short, it’s when we are working toward a new outcome and we are aware that we don’t feel “good”. We’re challenging our conditioning, conversation and comfort and it feels scary. We feel afraid, overwhelmed, anxious, uncertain. Your body doesn't feel good. Maybe you have palpitations or your solar plexus is tight. Perhaps you get cramps or those voices start in your head, your energy feels low and you just can't find yourself motivated? You'll know how you experience resistance.
Believing invites flow..
But flow is not the absence of struggle. It is not the absence of hard work. Alignment and flow is you having so much momentum, necessity, passion and purpose that you strive forward despite the resistance.
I know that you want your dreams, a new reality. I know that you are driven to create something amazing for you and your family. So we have to learn how to be aware of the resistance and then how to either number one, completely let it go on number two, which is more likely at the start of this journey, how to just step further away from it.
Sometimes you're not going to be able to navigate away it completely because it's too powerful. It's too strong. But in that moment, you can say, if I can just take a hundred meters steps away from it, I'm in a better place than I am right now. So I want you to start thinking about how do you ‘anti resistance toolbox’, because this will guide you towards the truth.
The longest journey you'll ever take is from your head into your heart
Here’s some questions you can use:
>What do I need? What do I need for myself right now to be able to shed this current feeling?
>What am I believing that’s making me feel this way? What do I need to believe instead?
>If I believed in myself right now, what would I do?
One of the things that I love to suggest to my clients is that they create like this little magic jar. Fill it up with pieces of paper, on which are things you can do that “light you up” or shift your energy. Eerything from meditation, to walking outside, playing with the dog or a good coffee and conversation.
What sets you on the pathway to vibrational alignment? What puts you in the slipstream of alignment towards the outcome that you want with so much more ease and grace authenticity and joy?
Create Your Success Plan
- What do you need to do to set up the system? How do you go before the start
- What are your first three micro steps? We're starting small.
- Can you create just three things to put in your resistance toolbox?
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