As a human being, we all have an innate drive and desire for connection. So what happens when, in pursuit of building your dream business, you lose connection with the things that really matter.
There is no denying that there is a palpable feeling of losing connection in the world right now. Social distancing, lack of hug and in person meetings - I'm sure I'm not the only one who is somehow feeling that something is missing.
I want to share with you in this short episode, some of the things that I see happening with business owners and levels of connection, the problems that are coming from that, and what can we do to start deepening the connection that we have in our life.
Connection isn't just about connection with others. It's about a drive to feel connected with a deeper and more truthful part of ourselves. It's the connection with a mission, a purpose. A connection with a bigger energy of God or Universe or something. It's something bigger than us that kind of gives our life meaning whether you are consciously aware of that or not. These connections drive us all.
However, something that I see regularly is that business owners spend so much time in and on their business that they stop connecting with and being intentional with the things and the people that really truly matter.
It's certainly not unique to entrepreneurs. Lots of people do it. Yet connection is deeply linked to the intention that you have for your life and the people within your life.
When our driving force is to be successful, to attain/achieve it’s easy to lose a connection with what we're really trying to create. When you started your business, what vision will you working towards? When was the last time you connected with that and got out of your to do list? It’s also easy to disconnect from the reason why we started. How often do you connect with that to turbocharge your motivation, inspiration and energy?
It’s all to easy to disconnect from our partner and children when we become so focused and busy. I confess when I was in my first business, I spent way too many hours working in, working on and worrying about my business to the degree that it negatively impact my marriage. I missed out on some really valuable time with my children. I can't get that back.
I invested all of my emotions into what was happening in my business my husband children got the leftovers. They got the tired, anxious, fearful, depressed, me.
When we become so task orientated, we become lost in the goal. We forget that the journey is the goal. We forget that it's an evolution of self, a learning process. It's about enjoying the ride and we invest everything into the outcome, which means that we're forever in the future. I really thinks this disconnects us from the truth of who we really are.
We take these knocks and we explode them into massive failures. We fear judgement, ridicule and rejection. And we forget who we were before this business. We forget what it was like to be happy for the sake of being happy. We forgot what it was like, not to base how we fell on the amount of money going into our bank accounts, how many clients we had, or how many times our Instagram story got shared. When you're in that mode, it’s so easy to lose what we truly value.
At night time, if you're sat down with your partner watching the TV, are you on your phone, looking at social media, thinking about what's gonna happen tomorrow? Or are you fully present with them?
Do you schedule specific time for R&R, exercise, friends, learning, spiritual and personal development – or are you stuck in “work hard = make more money” mode. (total like btw).
When do you actually disconnect from your business so you can intentionally turn your attention and energy to something else? Again, this is how we can get so attached to the future. “I will feel this way when……(insert achievement/attainment). I know that you know that by law of attraction, you can’t manifest what you want from that energy.
The first thing I want you to do is ask, “What does deeper connection look like for me?”
In your intimate relationships, family, friends, clients, community, self, mission. What does it look and feel like to you to have a deeper connection?
Asking these questions allows you to activate the thought process to produce the answers that could change your life.
What defines a happy and deeply connected relationship for you? And on a scale of 1-10, where are you in your various relationships? What needs to change? Listen, I’ve lost count of the number of women I’ve spoken with who spend more time in their business because it’s more fun/exciting/fulfilling that their marriage. When I ask them how they intentionally try to create a different experience in their marriage, the answer is invariable “I don’t”.
IT’S GROWING OR IT’S DYING
You know the fable about the two wolves and the one that wins is the one you feed? Or the grass is greener where you water it? I’ve learned the hard way that spending all your time in your business can create huge canyons in your relationships. Working more and communicating less is NOT the answer.
So, if this sounds familiar – be sure to listen to my Podcast episode on relationship gaps and get clear on how you can start NOW to create a deeper connection. Because here’s the thing. Nothing stays on a straight line. Everything is always on an upward curve or downward curve. You may not see it until it's too late if you don't give attention and intention to your relationships, to your health, to your finances, to your purpose.
And when one area start do decline, it’s a domino effect. If your relationship broke down tomorrow what/who else suffers? Same goes for your health, happiness, finances. CONNECTION is the answer and you are the provider of solutions for that.
What do THEY want?
When you think about what it looks like to have a deeper connection, I also want you to think about what would it look like to do that? What do you need to know about that person or that relationship to create a deeper connection? What outcome do you want for them? Go back. Remember we talked about clarity in episode number one, and it was about not just who do you want to be, but how do you want to make other people feel! Clarity combines with connection and caring and influence. What do you need to know about them? It could be as simple as a letter, a hand hold or dinner without your phone.
I wrote them a letter
That's what I did with my parents through lockdown. When I couldn't see them, or I had to just stand on the doorstep I wrote them both a letter once a week. I shared a memory with them; thanked them for something specific they taught me. I told my dad that when I thought about him dying, that I felt like a five year old and I couldn't bare the thought of not having him in my life anymore. I can’t tell you how much closeness that created for us.
Connection is everything.
Connection is something that gives you drive. It gives you purpose. It gives you a mission. As a soulpreneur please remember that your business is an extension of who you are, not the totality of who you are.
Reconnect to yourself, your mission, your potential and possibility, to tohers. Remember the reasons why you started and what you are trying to create for you and your loved ones. This will be the thing that when you feel scared and uncertain; when you're telling yourself you can't – connection says “YES you can”. Because you're connected to something so much bigger than you can even fathom.
Find a way to intentionally create connection in your daily life. It will serve your success well. It will serve your happiness even better.
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